


Constellations

by tangledineden



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 00:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11279652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangledineden/pseuds/tangledineden
Summary: Silence said more than words ever would, Subaki decided. The silence was haunting, leaving hurt to fill the empty spaces.





	Constellations

Subaki had long ago come to associate Niles's room with sex. After all the sleepless night spent between the sheets, it was only natural. The only time Subaki went into that room was when he was sleeping with the other man - he had no other reason to go. So the familiar room, the one with sketches of constellations pinned into the wall with daggers, was forever ingrained into Subaki's mind as a room for sex. It wasn't unfamiliar, then, to  associate the room with gasps. Moans. All the noises one would make while experiencing pleasure.

 

Indeed, Subaki himself had filled that room with his own sounds many times. No one in the castle was surprised when they would walk by Niles's room and hear the sounds of sex.

 

Except, of course, for Subaki. As he was always the one in the room.

 

That's why this didn't make any sense.

 

He stared at the warped wooden door, arms limp at his sides, hoping maybe if he waited long enough reality would go away. Paying no mind to the feminine moaning resounding down the hallway and curling his toes in his boots - that was all he could find in himself to do. His feet were planted to the ground.

 

Whose voice was  that? Who had taken Subaki's place? Did it even matter?

 

The retainer stood in front of the door for what felt like hours, hopelessly trying to block out the truth, even as the moans got louder and more frequent.

 

It was definitely a woman who was sharing Niles's bed. In all honesty, it sounded like Lady Corrin.

 

He didn't notice anyone walking up beside up until they grabbed his arm. Turning with wide eyes, he bit back a noise of surprise at the touch. "Lady Corrin," he whispered, looking down at the short princess. If it wasn't her in there, who was it? Corrin's pointed ears were tilted back, and she was frowning. "Subaki..."

That was a voice full of pity. He'd of course heard the tone before, but it had never been directed at him. He didn't like it. Yes, his feelings had been rather obvious to everyone but their target, but he hated to be seen like this. Pathetic, staring at the door to the bedroom of someone who didn't love him.

 

"Subaki, I-"

 

"I have to go," he interjected, pulling his arm away with a bit more force than was needed. _What flaw did he see in me? Why am I not good enough?_

 

With a mumbled excuse, Subaki quickly hurried to his room, head hanging. Had he always been this pathetic?

Voices filled his head - his parents, his friends. Pushing him to be better. Never show weakness, Subaki. You know better. _You know better._

But his body language didn't change, even as he slipped into his own room and shut the door. Into bed. Covers over your head. Don't think about it.

 

Don't think about anything else.

 

The way the blanket muffled noise, and they way time seemed to pass differently when he laid in his own bed, he had no idea when he finally noticed the rapid knocking on the door, or how long they'd been waiting for an answer.

 

Subaki had absolutely no desire to answer the door. But that wouldn't be perfect. So he threw the covers onto the floor in a heap and rolled off the bed, landing on his feet. He crossed the room in several steps and yanked open the door, half-lidded staring at the visitor.

 

He had something between his fingers that he was toying with, spinning to stay in constant motion. He grinned, eye looking up as Subaki opened the door.

 

"Hellooooo," Niles greeted. He pushed off the doorframe he leaned on, stepping into Subaki's room and glancing around. "It's so _revealing_ to see your room like this. I feel like I know you better than ever." Niles ran his hand gently across a painting hanging on the wall. "A cherry tree?" Turning to look over his shoulder, he raised a single eyebrow before turning to investigate further.

 

Lady Sakura had given that to Subaki. He'd almost cried when he'd gotten it - freshly employed to her, and already she cared for him enough to see it and think of him. Not to mention spending her own funds to get it for him. It had hung on his wall ever since, the centerpiece of any and all decoration.

 

He was embarrassed of it, but he had his own constellations marked on his wall. No paper for him. He'd taken up a paintbrush and covered the left wall, sometime after he and Niles had started sleeping together.

 

It felt wrong for Niles to be here. This wasn't where they had sex. This was where Subaki came to unravel; the only place he didn't have to be perfect.

 

"Cut the shit," he hissed between gritted teeth.

"Oh? Are we fighting? To the death, maybe?" The archer turned fully, crossing his arms and leaning against the painted wall, brow arched.

"Why are you here?"

"I heard you outside my door. A voyeur, are you? We can work with that."

"N-No!"

"I don't believe you," the archer whispered, moving to stand in front of Subaki in several long strides. His thumb ran across Subaki's bottom lip. "Did you like listening in? Did it get you hard, thinking of my-"

 

Subaki took a step back, shaking his head. "How could you?"

 

A soft laugh, though shaky. Only a few people would note the discomfort in it. "How could I what? Touch your face? I've touched you in much more _interesting_ places, you know..."

 

It was too much. The hurt, the anger, it was all bubbling to the surface, and now it was boiling over.

"How could you do this to me? Just ignoring me completely and then running off to fuck some _whore_ in your bed-"

He stopped his own rant, horrified. How could he let his emotions control him like this? What if someone had heard?

Niles seemed to find it all amusing, but surprising. "I'm sorry. Did you want to be the only one? You know we're not together, Subaki."

Fuck you. It should only be me. "So what does that make me, then? Just your favorite fuck for when your sheets are cold?"

 

Silence said more than words ever would, Subaki decided. The silence was haunting, leaving hurt to fill the empty spaces.

 

"Get out of my room," he choked out, blinking hard. He will not cry. He won't. Not in front of him.

 

"Subaki-"

 

The knight knocked away the hand outstretched toward him. "I _love_ you," he hiccupped, sob finally bursting out. Hot tears began to roll down Subaki's cheeks. "But I never want to see you again."

 

Niles took several steps back, taking in the scene with shock and a slight fear evident on his face. Subaki knew full well of his history - how he had no idea how to process emotion, or even how to feel it sometimes. It didn't excuse him this time. The hurt in Subaki's heart was threatening to tear him apart, pull itself into little ribbons.

 

Subaki hadn't realized until he said it, that he was in love. But he was. He was so completely, desperately in love, and Niles saw him as nothing more than a plaything.

 

"I told you to get out!" Subaki placed his hands on Niles's chest and shoved, hard. The other man stumbled backward toward the open door. "Get away from me. I hate you."

It wasn't true. He loved him. But he couldn't even look at Niles right now, knowing that all they had ever been was a release of carnal desire.

 

Finally, the archer backed out of the room. Slamming the door, Subaki slid down it until he sat on the floor. Back pressed to the door, he dropped his head into his hands.

 

For the first time in years, he let himself cry.

**Author's Note:**

> I did all of the editing at three am while chugging hot chocolate I'm so sorry


End file.
